Harrison Kilgore, '26 & Henry Turberfield, '26
We’ve debated it on the podcast, and now we have to break down the specifics. We’ve been exploring the hypothetical event in which Henry would metaphorically fight the average male red kangaroo. Henry is 5’6 and 145 pounds with a max bench of 145. Below, two of our own discuss the possibilities of this endeavor, followed by a special statement by Mr. Prentice Stabler himself on the well-debated topic.
Harrison’s Argument
Henry could not beat a kangaroo. The most common kangaroo, the male red kangaroo, is 5’10 and can weigh up to 180 pounds. The red kangaroo has a kick force of 759 pounds coming in at 40 mps. The kick from a kangaroo can break bones and cause internal injuries. The claws on their hands and feet often cause deep cuts on the attacker. These are not one-time kicks; they can repetitively do this from the leverage in their tail. One of their more unknown features is their bite force of 925 psi, which is slightly less than that of a grizzly bear. The Kangaroo can run up to 44 miles per hour, so there is no escaping it. In a single stride at full speed, a kangaroo can jump 25 feet forward and has a 6-foot vertical. I highly doubt Henry can tackle a kangaroo, let alone reach it without getting round-housed. You can punch harder than it, but with the claws, it won’t matter. I’m sure a kangaroo could take many punches from Henry. Due to its thick skin and small brain it would take many hits to take it out.
Henry’s Argument
Kangaroos are not the monstrosity everyone believes they are. The average kangaroo is a red kangaroo, which stands up to 5 ‘10l and can weigh up to 180 pounds. Depending on the kangaroo, I’m either heavier or lighter, but I am definitely taller. A kangaroo can punch around 275-300 pounds of force. The average untrained male can punch 300-400 pounds, but a trained male can punch up to 1000 pounds of force. Although a human's punch is much greater than a kangaroo, our kicks are no match for a kangaroo. We are often beaten by roughly 600 pounds of force. This great kick isn’t a kangaroo’s first response though. A kangaroo will try to use its claws to attack, then use its legs to kick. That’s why my plan to beat a kangaroo revolves around its kick.
I need to eliminate the threat of the kick and the claws. My best chance would be to get the kangaroo on the ground and get on top of it. I’d do this by tackling the kangaroo. That would eliminate the kicking, but the claws are still a problem. Using my greater arm strength, I’d reach across my body grabbing the outside of the kangaroo’s opposite forearm. I’d then pull the kangaroo’s arm across its own body and try to get the other arm in the same grip. If I can’t execute this for whatever reason, then pinning the arm to the ground would restrict the other arms movement. From there, I would destroy a kangaroo.
But for the sake of the argument, let's say I couldn’t tackle the kangaroo, and I had to fight standing up. My plan would be the same: eliminate the kick, and subdue the claws. To do this standing, I would use my longer leg to keep kicking the kangaroo in its center mass, putting just enough force, so It would keep the kangaroo away, but not away from my foot. Putting too much force into the kangaroo and sending it back further would be worse for me, because it only gives it another chance to kick me. Finally, I’d go in for a quick punch, closing the distance between me and the kangaroo. I’d just keep repeating this until the kangaroo
Mr. Stabler thoughts:
After we sent Mr. Stabler the article to end this debate, this is what he said, “While I certainly appreciate the confidence and swagger necessary to take on a kangaroo, I think you're doomed. As you said, the kangaroo kick is something that you just can't match, and though you know that going in, it doesn't change the reality that you're outgunned on this one. Given your strategy of tackling the kangaroo first, I expect you to lead with your shoulders and head (a nice form tackle) which opens you up to a vicious head kick knockout. If you're lucky enough to dodge that kick on the way in, those claws are going to shred you. Your first punch attempt will likely be to the head: bad idea. Kangaroos' bottom teeth point straight out, and you'll be left with a bloody hand. At the end of the day, an animal (especially an animal with predators) spends a huge percentage of its time working to survive and fight another day. You and I live a much friendlier, safer, happier world. The animal instinct wins this one.”
While we got some great insight by Mr. Stabler himself, yet again nobody believed in Rocky. This debate will not be over until Henry can prove that he really can take on a kangaroo.
CLICK HERE OR GO TO THE TIGER TALK PAGE ON THE WEBSITE TO LISTEN TO THEIR DEBATE!!!
