Adeline Courtney, '27 & Charlotte Figler, '27
Have you ever heard the statement, “Boys will be boys” or “Alpha male?” Has a boy ever been mean to you? Have you been told that it’s just because they have a crush on you? These are just two common examples of potential toxic masculinity. In the 21st century, this is more common than one would originally think. But what is toxic masculinity exactly? Toxic masculinity is described as the result of teaching boys that they cannot express emotion and that they have to be tough all of the time. (Salam, New York Times). This is called “toxic” for two major reasons. First being, it leads to violent behavior toward women and the mindset of male privilege, which therefore contributes to gender inequality. The second reason is that it constrains the male emotional standard, which can lead to a “macho” mindset, or that anything else other than being basically a rock-hard shell, will make them feminine and weak (Flood, The Conversation).
Toxic masculinity has an origin dating way back to before our birth. The first origins of the term come from the mythopoetic men’s movement, a pro-masculine movement from the 1980s. The movement focused on men’s self-help, helping men dive deeper into their “true masculinity.” The term then spread to helping low-income men, a prescription for finding their inner masculinity. Soon after, it spread to what it is today a feminist critique of men’s misogynistic actions (Flood, The Conversation).
There are many different reasons as to why toxic masculinity was created, but why has it continued to grow? Society tends to blame this all on men. I mean by the name of it, it sounds like it would be all their fault, but is it? The answer is no. Girls have just as much an impact as the men who have been plagued by this mindset. Even as children, when a little boy cried, girls may have called him a sissy or said he was acting like a baby, but as soon as a girl started crying, everyone dropped everything to help her. Now, this same boy is going to have the mindset that showing emotion leads to criticism. This boy will now grow up in a world where he thinks that showing any emotion, will lead to him being picked on or made fun of, therefore starting the cycle again.
To test this theory, we found a few male candidates to interview. All of them were asked a series of questions including, “Have you been taught to stay tough, and have a big ego, or not show your emotions?” and “Do girls make you feel pressured to act tough?” After interviews with six Ensworth male students, the results were very similar. All boys, except for one, said that they didn’t even know what defined toxic masculinity. When asked if they had been taught to stay tough, all of the boys interviewed said yes. This can be a major cause of extreme masculinity, growing up in an environment where the lessons taught are that showing emotion is “weak” or stoicism is how you should live your life. When asked if girls make them feel pressured to act tough, most seemed uncomfortable with the question, or unwilling to answer, and usually replied with a mumbled no. The ones that did say yes though, stated that girls sometimes make them feel like being soft or nice is funny or a cause to make fun of them. In PE, some even said that they feel pressured to lift more in front of girls, to make an impression. Taking risks, or making it seem like you can do more than you actually can, is also a common masculine trait.
For the girls' interviews, we asked questions such as, “Do you think toxic masculinity is a problem in the Freshman class?”, “Do you think the culture in our grade is okay?”, “Do you feel picked on by the boys in our class?”, “Have you ever had a man talk over you, or make you feel like you’re wrong?” and “Are women to blame for this?” There was an overwhelming answer of yes on the first four questions- girls giving examples such as boys thinking they're better, acting like they own the place, and just feeling like boys are always talking badly about the girls in a given grade, judging us for our looks, personalities, athletic ability and more. In response to the question, “Are women to blame for this?”, the girls' answers differed. Some mentioned that women are responsible for what men have put them through, while others took no blame. Those who do feel some responsibility said that girls want validation from men. They want to feel accepted by them, so they egg them on and brush off their violent and cruel actions. Others said that girls can be mean towards boys because they think it is funny. While some believe that women are to blame, others disagree entirely, saying things like, “No, it's their behavior and their fault.”
While studying this term, we learned a lot about why boys may act the way they do sometimes. While it is not an excuse to act out towards women of any age, it is also sometimes on our hands. Making fun of a boy for expressing his emotion, or making him feel like he can't say how he feels, only sets us back further and makes the problem even worse. While boys still have a lot to learn, girls do as well.
Sources:
Salam, Maya. "What Is Toxic Masculinity?" The New York Times, The New York Times
Company, www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/us/toxic-masculinity.html. Accessed 22
Aug. 2023.
Flood, Michael. “'Toxic masculinity': what does it mean, where did it come from – and is the term useful or harmful?” The Conversation, 21 September 2022, https://theconversation.com/toxic-masculinity-what-does-it-mean-where-did-it-come-from-and-is-the-term-useful-or-harmful-189298. Accessed 14 September 2023.